\u201cWe\u2019re in this outdoor movie theater, me and Bryan,\u201d Terry began. \u201cHe\u2019s on the movie screen in his uniform, and there\u2019s a glass coffin beside him. He steps into the coffin and, when he lays down, he turns into my little boy Bryan, seven or eight years old. Then, little boy Bryan steps out of the coffin and becomes Bryan the soldier again. He gives me a salute and then the movie screen just goes\u200a \u2013 bam\u200a \u2013 \u200awhite. That\u2019s when I woke up to the phone ringing.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The call was from Bryan\u2019s wife, Tiffany, with the news that Bryan was dead. Terry and his wife Beth received an official notification through a visit from Army officers later that morning.<\/span><\/p>\n Upon learning the devastating news about Bryan\u2019s death, the Burgess family traveled to Dover Air Force Base, where the bodies of the fallen are brought back to U.S. soil for the solemn tradition of the \u201cdignified transfer.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The next days and weeks were a whirlwind of events honoring Bryan. They met with their Casualty Assistance Officer from the Army, whose job it was to handle paperwork and anything else they needed. Bryan\u2019s family received a Gold Star pin, the deeply painful honor that signifies losing an immediate family member during active service.<\/span><\/p>\n But soon the whirlwind calmed and the deluge of cards slowed from a torrent to a trickle. \u201cThe casseroles stop, people stop checking on you, and you\u2019re just isolated,\u201d Terry said. \u201cAfter his funeral, after we got home from all the ceremonies, I just sank. I was unemployed, I was laid off, I had no purpose,\u201d he said.<\/span><\/p>\n Terry\u2019s wife, Beth, was afraid for him. \u201cHe would just spend days and days and days just sitting\u00a0\u2013 not talking, not eating, just sitting. It was a very, very scary time,\u201d she said.<\/span><\/p>\n Terry wasn\u2019t alone; <\/span>According to the National Academies of Medicine<\/span><\/a>, the death of a child is one of the greatest and most enduring stresses a person can experience. One study found that even after an average of 18 years since the death of a child, bereaved parents still suffered from poorer physical and mental health than non-bereaved parents.<\/span><\/p>\n Beth started looking for organizations that could help Gold Star parents and couldn\u2019t find much. \u201cThere was a lot out there for the widows\u200a \u2013\u00a0\u200aunderstandably\u200a \u2013 \u200aand for kids and moms. But there was almost nothing for dads,\u201d Beth said.<\/span><\/p>\n More than a year after Bryan\u2019s death, the producers of a documentary called \u201c<\/span>The Hornet\u2019s Nest<\/span><\/a>\u201d contacted Terry and Beth. The film used footage collected by an embedded journalist who traveled with Bryan\u2019s unit in Afghanistan. Helmet and hand-held cameras captured the 360-degree firefight with the Taliban that claimed Bryan\u2019s life, and included an interview with Bryan talking about how much he missed his children. The producers asked Terry and Beth to screen a rough cut of the film, hoping to earn the approval of the Gold Star families before releasing it to the public.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBeth got me out of bed and cleaned up,\u201d Terry said. They traveled to Dallas to watch it, \u201cAnd there was Bryan in his army uniform on screen. It was a slap in the face for me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Terry felt he suddenly understood what his dream on the morning of Bryan\u2019s death had been about. \u201cI thought, \u2018that\u2019s what Bryan was trying to tell me,\u2019\u201d Terry recalled. \u201cI can\u2019t just spend my life mourning the loss of my little boy \u2013 he had to die when Bryan became a soldier. Now, he wants me to salute him back, however I can.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n For over a year, Terry and Beth toured with the film, visiting military bases, colleges, and other venues. Every time they watch it, \u201cit rips us apart,\u201d Terry said. \u201cBut I tell people that it saved my life.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Terry, Beth, and the other families involved in the film were asked to speak at each screening. \u201cIt was a lot of holding hands and squeezing hands, a lot of tears,\u201d Terry said. \u201cIt was kind of cathartic for us, because we got to tell Bryan\u2019s story to so many people who wouldn\u2019t have heard it otherwise.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The screenings also gave them an opportunity to help educate the public about the ways that combat changes the lives of the veterans who survive.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBryan changed the very first time he went to Iraq and came home. He was a completely different person. And it was very hard to connect with him,\u201d Beth said. \u201cA lot of what we did was just to help everybody understand everything that the guys were going through when they came home, because they all carry a huge amount of survivor\u2019s guilt.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n In 2018, Terry published a memoir about the family\u2019s experience of losing Bryan titled <\/span>When Our Blue Star Turned Gold<\/span><\/i><\/a>. It gave him a broader audience to continue to tell Bryan\u2019s story and reach out to other parents \u2013 especially fathers.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMy biggest hope is to reach more dads,\u201d Terry stressed. \u201cWe just want to let them know they\u2019re not alone.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Beth and Terry discovered a new purpose in supporting a network of Gold Star parents. But they found that the label is often restricted to combat-related deaths. They wanted to change that, and give every parent who had a child die while in service to the country a way to connect and help each other.<\/span><\/p>\n In 2017, they established a non-profit called <\/span>Gold Star Parents Retreat<\/span><\/a>. It is an annual, free retreat held in Gainesville, Texas, for parents who have lost a child serving in any branch of the military, under any circumstance \u2013 including training or car accidents, complications from vaccinations before being deployed, and suicide.<\/span><\/p>\nA Documentary Film Changes Everything<\/b><\/h4>\n
Bryan\u2019s Story Reflects Others\u2019 Combat Experience<\/b><\/h4>\n
Reaching Other Gold Star Parents<\/b><\/h4>\n
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