{"id":19705,"date":"2025-12-02T03:00:30","date_gmt":"2025-12-02T08:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thealfam.com\/evermore\/public\/?p=19705"},"modified":"2026-07-28T13:10:57","modified_gmt":"2026-07-28T17:10:57","slug":"giving-back-to-you-transforming-community-response-in-the-wake-of-child-fatalities","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thealfam.com\/evermore\/giving-back-to-you-transforming-community-response-in-the-wake-of-child-fatalities\/","title":{"rendered":"Giving Back to You: Introducing America\u2019s First Government-Approved Community Bereavement Response Guide for Child Fatalities"},"content":{"rendered":"[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” column_margin=”default” column_direction=”default” column_direction_tablet=”default” column_direction_phone=”default” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” row_border_radius=”none” row_border_radius_applies=”bg” row_position_desktop=”default” row_position_tablet=”inherit” row_position_phone=”inherit” overflow=”visible” overlay_strength=”0.3″ gradient_direction=”left_to_right” shape_divider_position=”bottom” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_tablet=”inherit” column_padding_phone=”inherit” column_padding_position=”all” flex_gap_desktop=”10px” column_element_direction_desktop=”default” column_element_spacing=”default” desktop_text_alignment=”default” tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_backdrop_filter=”none” column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” column_link_target=”_self” column_position=”default” gradient_direction=”left_to_right” overlay_strength=”0.3″ width=”1\/1″ tablet_width_inherit=”default” animation_type=”default” bg_image_animation=”none” border_type=”simple” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text css=”” text_direction=”default”]\n

Giving Back to You: <\/b>Introducing America\u2019s First Government-Approved Community Bereavement Response Guide for Child Fatalities<\/strong><\/h1>\n

By: Joyal Mulheron<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Most times when Tori\u2019s phone rings, it\u2019s not good. Tragedy has struck yet another family, and she and her small team of crisis response experts deploy alongside law enforcement, particularly when a child is involved. They may hold newly bereaved parents and caregivers, plan memorials for forgotten children, or scrub floors to ensure scenes are less harsh and haunting. Her labor goes largely unnoticed. There are no headlines, and certainly no additional compensation for the compassion she dispenses regularly. And yet, for decades, she has quietly and silently helped make the unthinkable slightly more bearable for countless families.<\/span><\/p>\n

Over the years, I\u2019ve had the privilege of knowing Tori, hearing the stories she carries, and witnessing the toll this work takes. During our first conversation, she caught my attention because she so clearly articulated a distinction which many people commonly confuse:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone thinks trauma and bereavement are the same thing, but they\u2019re not. I\u2019ve received countless hours of trauma-informed training, but next to nothing for bereavement. When we arrive on scene and a child has died, the families and caregivers are often expressing bereavement with overlapping trauma.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And Tori will tell you something else: responders often enter these moments of loss with no concrete knowledge of what to do or say, and without practical guidance.<\/span><\/p>\n

Protocols for managing child fatalities differ across agencies. Communication breaks down between shifts, departments, and institutions. Schools struggle to support a grieving sibling. Hospitals and law enforcement may allow families to say goodbye \u2014 but not always. Faith leaders, neighbors, employers, and volunteers want to help, but miss the mark. The result is that responders like Tori \u2014 and the families they serve \u2014 must navigate overwhelming losses inside systems that are not yet designed to avoid unintended harm. And in some cases, they create additional victimizations, if not traumas. <\/span><\/p>\n

The Systems Meant to Support Families Are Vast \u2014 and Incoherent<\/b><\/h3>\n

Each time Tori responds, she sees a similar pattern. Immediate shock is followed by a cascade of emotional and practical burdens: medical decisions, legal processes, funeral arrangements, sudden financial strain, and interactions with multiple agencies that may unintentionally deepen suffering. These shocks can become cumulative, making coping and adaptation to a death even more of a challenge, and for some, insurmountable. Research shows, for example, that bereaved parents who lose a child at any age are at risk of premature death, with mothers at risk of dying from both unnatural and natural causes, while fathers are more at risk of unnatural death. <\/span><\/p>\n

Losing a child changes everything; often, irrevocably. <\/span><\/p>\n

The network of institutions that touch a family after a child dies is vast: medical professionals, law enforcement, schools, employers, social service agencies, faith leaders, and more. But these systems do not function in a coordinated fashion and most have never been offered basic bereavement education. In my experience, most people <\/span>believe that there are five stages of grief. Some question, why on earth does it take so long for their bereaved peer to go through them?<\/span><\/p>\n

Responders, like Tori, see the consequences of today\u2019s social norms. They watch siblings return to school without a structured plan or the ability to take days off. They hear parents repeat traumatic details to multiple agencies because communication is not coordinated. In some cases, newly bereaved families receive bills before they receive condolences. Despite the best of intentions and care, this takes a toll.<\/span><\/p>\n

Shifting today\u2019s norms for both fatality response and subsequent bereavement requires a social transformation \u2014 one grounded in shared understanding, consistent expectations, and practical tools for each person and sector that encounters a bereaved family. It is this tomorrow that I emphatically believe in; largely because I believe in us \u2014 <\/span>all of us.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

That is why today, on Giving Tuesday, I am honored to <\/span>give you<\/span><\/i> a new resource that the Evermore Team has been developing and beta-testing across the nation for the past year.<\/span><\/p>\n

Making All the Difference: A Guide to Reimagining Community Support for Grieving Parents, Caregivers, and Families<\/i><\/b><\/h3>\n

In July 2024, when I received a phone call lasting about 15 minutes, asking if I could write a community bereavement response guide for child fatalities, I hesitated. What on earth could I offer that others had not? At the same time, I have long felt that descriptive reforms to reorient systems were lacking, so I agreed to try and help. Before hopping off the phone, my colleague said, \u201cI\u2019m envisioning fact sheets.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Double yikes! Not only did I say yes, but now I also have to distill an entire ecosystem into a series of one-pagers. <\/span><\/p>\n

But, I\u2019m proud to say that\u2019s exactly what the team did. <\/span><\/p>\n

Evermore\u2019s Guide titled <\/span>Making All the Difference: A Guide to Reimagining Community Support for Grieving Parents, Caregivers, and Families <\/span><\/i><\/a>offers communities a <\/span>starting point<\/span><\/i> \u2014 a foundation for a more dignified, consistent response for bereaved people. It lays out general grief and bereavement principles for 13 types of community leaders, from first responders to educators to employers to faith leaders. Fact sheets include practical tips, the importance of self-care, and other things you should know, like:<\/span><\/p>\n

\ud83d\udea8 Spoiler Alert: The five stages of grief are a misconception.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

The Guide \u2014 the first U.S. government\u2013approved guide dedicated to community response after a child\u2019s death \u2014 offers a practical framework for preparing communities to respond to child fatalities with competence, consistency, and compassion. It was created because people, like Tori, are doing everything they can \u2014 yet they should not have to do it without support, structure, or a semblance of a roadmap.<\/span><\/p>\n

Most practical tips vary by discipline, but there is one constant for nearly all community leaders: use the child\u2019s name. If you\u2019re attending to a family and do not know them well, ask them how they\u2019d like you to refer to their child. Ask how to pronounce their name or nickname.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re a child care or afterschool provider caring for a bereaved sibling and need to call the family, introduce yourself quickly, but then say, \u201cYour child is safe.\u201d Then transition to why you called. The parents or caregivers will immediately assume that a second tragedy has unfolded.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you are a clinical care provider, begin screening for loss, as bereavement is associated with many poor health outcomes and trajectories. If a family is living in a domestic violence shelter, know that alcohol use is a common coping modality for bereaved parents. While ensuring your own safety, work to preserve housing or other social supports during this turbulent time, but be particularly attuned to alcohol use, for example.  <\/span><\/p>\n

In addition to the Guide, we\u2019ve generated a few more resources, including:<\/span><\/p>\n