{"id":16945,"date":"2017-12-03T08:37:56","date_gmt":"2017-12-03T13:37:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thealfam.com\/evermore\/public\/?p=16945"},"modified":"2026-07-08T13:31:15","modified_gmt":"2026-07-08T17:31:15","slug":"two-dads-one-mission-better-bereavement-leave-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thealfam.com\/evermore\/two-dads-one-mission-better-bereavement-leave-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Two dads, one mission: Better bereavement leave"},"content":{"rendered":"[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” column_margin=”default” column_direction=”default” column_direction_tablet=”default” column_direction_phone=”default” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” row_border_radius=”none” row_border_radius_applies=”bg” row_position_desktop=”default” row_position_tablet=”inherit” row_position_phone=”inherit” overflow=”visible” overlay_strength=”0.3″ gradient_direction=”left_to_right” shape_divider_position=”bottom” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_tablet=”inherit” column_padding_phone=”inherit” column_padding_position=”all” flex_gap_desktop=”10px” column_element_direction_desktop=”default” column_element_spacing=”default” desktop_text_alignment=”default” tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_backdrop_filter=”none” column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” column_link_target=”_self” column_position=”default” gradient_direction=”left_to_right” overlay_strength=”0.3″ width=”1\/1″ tablet_width_inherit=”default” animation_type=”default” bg_image_animation=”none” border_type=”simple” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text css=”” text_direction=”default”]\n

Kelly Farley and Barry Kluger are the dads behind the Parental Bereavement Act.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Evermore is dedicating this Father\u2019s Day week to bereaved dads who will always be fathers.<\/em><\/p>\n

Kelly Farley and Barry Kluger met because of a horrible coincidence: They knew what it was like to mourn a child.<\/p>\n

For Kluger, it was his 18-year-old daughter Erica, who died in a car crash in 2001. For Farley, it was two children \u2014 his daughter Katie, who died by miscarriage in 2004, and his son Noah, who was stillborn in 2006.<\/p>\n

The two met several years later after Farley launched a blog<\/a> that covered his own experience grieving the death of his children, and Kluger invited him on his talk radio show.<\/p>\n

As they chatted about what they both had been through, the two fathers started talking about finding an issue they could work on together. That discussion eventually turned to better bereavement leave for parents mourning the death of their child. Soon, they became the dads behind the Parental Bereavement Act<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour employer will give you three or five days of bereavement leave, if you\u2019re lucky. That\u2019s just not enough time. You bury your child, and you\u2019re expected to get back to work the next day. We didn\u2019t think it was realistic.\u201d<\/p>\n

Updating FMLA<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Right now, the Family and Medical Leave Act<\/a> gives eligible employees 12 weeks of unpaid leave to care for a newborn or a sick family member, but not to grieve a child who has died. And private and public employers aren\u2019t doing much better. An industry survey shows that 69 percent of employers give parents just three days off after a son or daughter dies. It\u2019s barely enough time to plan a funeral.<\/p>\n

In 2011, Farley and Kluger crafted the Parental Bereavement Act, an update to the Family and Medical Leave Act that would allow parents to qualify for unpaid leave when a child, who is under the age of 18, dies. Twelve weeks, they say, is not enough time to fully mourn a child, but it\u2019s a start.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt gives them time to assess what has happened to them and, maybe, start the grieving process,\u201d Farley said.<\/p>\n

Not so fast<\/strong><\/h3>\n

By the summer of 2011, the two dads got some great news. Sen. Jon Tester, a Democrat from Montana, introduced the bill in the Senate. They hoped for quick action, which hasn\u2019t come. But the bill has continued to get backing from lawmakers through the years. And, in February, it received bipartisan support in the U.S. House<\/a> and U.S. Senate<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Supporters said it was time to help grieving parents. Senator Martha McSally, a Republican from Arizona and a co-sponsor of the bill in the Senate, stated in a news release:<\/p>\n

\u201cParents coming to grips with the loss of a child should not have to worry about anything other than taking care of themselves and their loved ones,\u201d said . \u201cIt is critically important to ensuring mourning parents have the peace of mind to be able to take the time they need while going through the grieving process.\u201d<\/p>\n

Representative Don Beyer, a Democrat from Virginia and a co-sponsor of the House bill, added in his press release:<\/p>\n

\u201cExpanding the FMLA to include parental bereavement is the most compassionate action we can take to do something, no matter how small, to help bereaved families. This legislation is a good start to make a positive change and I\u2019m proud to support it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The latest endorsements make Kluger and Farley hopeful once more.<\/p>\n

The latest endorsements make Kluger and Farley hopeful once more.<\/p>\n

Uphill battle<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Despite the bipartisan support in both the House and Senate, the two know that they still have an uphill battle. As the country grapples with an opioid epidemic, mass shootings and other pressing issues, helping bereaved parents isn\u2019t top of mind for many.<\/p>\n

Kluger and Farley continue to build momentum and support, and say that a couple of weeks don\u2019t go by without another senator or another representative signing on.<\/p>\n

\u201cBereavement leave is something where people say, \u2018That\u2019s a pretty good idea,\u2019 but \u2026 the passion is not there,\u201d said Kluger, who wrote a book about his daughter and her death called \u201cA Life Undone: A Father\u2019s Journey Through Loss.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n

But, they say, it\u2019s still worth the fight.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

\u201cI made it through the dark tunnel, and it is my responsibility to be an advocate for parents who follow in our footsteps,\u201d said Farley, who now travels the country to work with grieving fathers and is the author of the book, \u201cGrieving Dads: To the Brink and Back.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n

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Say something<\/strong><\/h3>\n

To move the bill forward, Farley and Kluger are encouraging more people to speak out. So far, through an online petition<\/a>, more than 120,000 people have sent messages to their lawmakers in support of the bill. There, parents also are sharing their own experiences after the death of a child.<\/p>\n

\u201cThree years ago we lost our first born. My husband received one weekend, then back to work,\u201d wrote one mother. \u201cHow can you return to work when your mind and heart are somewhere else completely. We needed more time!\u201d<\/p>\n

Another mother wrote that her child\u2019s father was fired for missing work to pick up their son\u2019s ashes.<\/p>\n

The two dads also encourage people to directly contact their representatives and share their own stories about why they support the bill, so that it gets the attention it deserves.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not discouraged,\u201d Kluger said. \u201cBut I\u2019ve learned the way it works. It\u2019s not a sprint, it\u2019s a marathon.\u201d<\/p>\n

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